Why is it that the thing you want most, the thing you wait for so long to see, the thing you obsess over, is the thing that haunts you when it happens? There is no joy in something that hurts someone else, even if that someone has spent years hurting you. For a fleeting moment sometimes you think “FINALLY” justice is served. But then, it goes away, leaving a sorrow – not for yourself but for the person for whom you least want to feel sorrow. When people say “life isn’t fair” they have no idea how true that statement is.
Where is the “fair” in feeling sorry for someone who has tortured you for years finally answering for their sins? I think I’ve only felt this way twice before in my life, and I just don’t get it. Why am I feeling pity for someone who made my family’s life hell for almost 20 years? I can’t fool myself into thinking it’s not pity – it is. Just like it was when another person finally suffered for the suffering he put me through. Where is the happiness in retribution? Why is Karma a bitch on both sides?
Forgiving is one thing; forgetting is another. I struggle with both about this person. Hard to forgive all the horrible things this person has done over the years, both mentally and physically, to me and to most members of my family. Hard to forget these things and move on when he just keeps on and on. Then finally, Karma catches up and it’s not even related to things he did to me. I thought, “Well, I’m glad someone finally convinced the authorities that he’s dangerous.”
Then, two years later, he comes back at me again. This time with something that set wheels in motion that were irreversible and landed him where he needs to be, and while I thought I would be happy, I’m not. I wish things hadn’t gone this far. I wish he could have gotten the help he needed before it came to this. I wish my son didn’t have to suffer for the sins of his father. I guess I just wish for peace. And it seems like it’s always out of reach.